"Judy was always there for me. She’s trustworthy, smart, competent and kind. She taught me how to become the person I wanted to be. I feel lucky to have found her."
- University Professor
Codependency
People with codependency are “people-pleasers” and show approval seeking behavior. They fulfill everyone’s needs but their own or put themselves last. They usually have low self-esteem, guilt, poor boundaries, fear of being alone and are out of touch with their own needs and wants. I can help you identify your codependent behaviors and transform unhealthy patterns.
Samantha Develops Her Own Identity
56-year old Samantha was devastated. She had lost her partner Will to terminal cancer after 23 years. Together, they had built a happy life with a group of friends and two dogs. Samantha’s entire sense of self-worth, identity, interests, and outside relationships was based on being part of a couple. After Will died, Samantha felt her world was over. She cried all the time and wandered around the house aimlessly. Samantha knew she needed help and sought counseling. Through counseling, she began to see qualities she admired in herself. She began to see herself as an individual with interests of her own. And she began to do things independently. Eventually, Samantha realized that her individuality did not mean she loved Will any less, and that she could also love herself.
Mary and Kimberly Learn to Talk to Each Other in Respectful, Non-Defensive Ways
Kimberly deferred to Mary in everything. Together for 19 years, Mary made all the decisions and set all the schedules. If Kimberly offered a rare difference of opinion, Mary would "correct" her thinking. Yet Mary desperately wanted a relationship with an "equal." In therapy, Mary was able to see her role in creating the inequality in their relationship. She learned to respect Kimberly's thoughts, opinions and decisions, even when she didn't agree with them. Kimberly realized that in her relationship with Mary, she was repeating patterns from her large, authoritarian family of origin, in which individual opinions were not allowed. She learned to express her feelings non-defensively and ask for what she wanted.
While it is difficult to capture in a few sentences the breadth of work accomplished in therapy, below are some examples of people I have helped create easier, more meaningful ways of being in their lives.These clients, whose names have been changed to protect their confidentiality, wanted their stories told because they thought it might help others.
Relationships
You may have relationships with lovers, spouses, children, parents, friends, and colleagues. Getting along more effectively with others can enhance your life, but when relationships are not going smoothly, your life can spin out of control.
I assist people in all types of relationships: intimate, work, family, or friends. Problems in these relationships often revolve around roles, control, and communication.
When it comes to intimate relationships, I work with both individuals and couples. What I rarely do is recommend whether you should stay together or split up. Instead, I help you figure out what's best for you.
Gerry and Louisa Rebuild Their Marriage After Infidelity
After Louisa discovered Gerry's infidelity, the couple came into therapy right away, where they could focus on why the affair had occurred. What they discovered was that Gerry was hungry for connection with a strong, self-assured, professional woman—which Louisa had been when they first married. But self-doubt, pride and constant negative comparisons had eroded Louisa's belief in herself, and she had grown to think of herself as the victim. Their marriage began to repair itself when Louisa was able to see her part in the infidelity.
Chris & His Parents in Washington Develop New Understanding for Each Other
Chris didn't trust anyone. Growing up with a highly critical and judgmental father, Chris, now a college student, had gone to increasingly drastic measures to call attention to his need for help. After Chris began to trust and feel supported by his therapist, the sessions started to include his parents, who called in from Washington. Over time, Chris and his parents resolved topics that had long been unapproachable. They made agreements. They shifted their relationship from one of anger, criticism and fear to one of caring, understanding and encouragement.
Sexual Problems
Today, the most common sexual problems in the U.S. are lack of desire in women and premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction in men. Whether your issues are similar or different from these, I help you get to the root cause of your sexual problems so you can have a satisfying sex life.
Kathy and Peter Unravel the Truth Beneath Their Sex Issues
Smart, professional, in their 40s and married for many years with two children, Kathy and Peter seemed to have everything. Only they had no sex life. Kathy was completely uninterested, and Peter felt increasingly rejected and unloved. Working in therapy, Kathy admitted she was unhappy in her job and felt unable to leave it. She was angry with Peter for working so much, while Peter felt unappreciated for the effort he was making for the family. As they began to understand each other's view of the world, and as Kathy left her job and became happier, they naturally became more loving. Over time, they enjoyed sexual intimacy as an expression of their love.
